Drama. That sweet drippy nectar we birds of a feather call gossip. Who's with who, who did what, where and when, and oh my Lord, she's not wearing what I think she is. Drama. Simple enough, isn't it.
I don't want to be a drama queen. I don't want to make every little thing appear big and bad. It sucks, really, but sometimes I can't help it. Little things get to me.
But when certain events arise and from these dark shapes appears the hideous form of drama, I cringe. I don't want to hurt people. I don't want to crush a spirit of a fellow human, for a soul can be a fragile thing. Beautiful because it is so weak, you might say.
OK, so this is being melodramatic, but I'm really worked up about this. I suppose it's time to catch up on some things.
Number one. I am no longer single. David and I are unofficially going out. According to Clark, we're not official until I ask him to be my boyfriend or he asks me to be his girlfriend. We've been unofficially together since... August 28, when we went to see Pirates of the Carribean.
I met David through Eric and Matt, some friends from previous years. Matt since grade school, Eric since middle school. They're both dear friends, immature and stupid at times, but actually pretty nice people.
However, since David and I started "going out," Eric has been paying more and more attention to me. I guess I always suspected he liked me, since I was pretty much the only girl at most of our hangouts, like getting coffee, playing video games, or gaming. But I didn't really think much of it, which sounds insensitive but I didn't want to bring attention to it.
Very recently, within the last couple days, Eric has been strongly flattering me and telling me things a serious boyfriend would say to his steady girlfriend. And it IS flattering, but also very uncomfortable. Now Matt says Eric is spreading rumors at Foss (where Eric and David go to school) about David liking other girls, and encouraging said girls to ask him out. Matt says Eric thinks I like him more than David.
I've asked the opinions of a couple people, and they promptly told me to tell Eric just to quit it. But I CANNOT JUST SHUT SOMEONE DOWN LIKE THAT. I may be rude and petty at times, but it is not in my nature to be firmly vindictive or cruel. You might say it's not cruel, but Eric has a slight disability in his legs and cannot walk or do strenuous physical activities like normal people. He thinks he's handicapped, but he isn't, only in his mind really. There ARE things he can't do, but I wish for him to accept his disability, just like I've been trying to accept my fears of failure, which are also handicaps. And to me it would seem to him that I'm rejecting him because of his handicap, and I don't want to give that impression. Hurting anyone's feelings for any reason seems cruel to me, even if in the end it's the best way to go. I guess I'm just too much of a dreamer to think otherwise.
Eric has been depressed lately, and I suppose I've been giving him the wrong impression about my feelings by being extra attentive to his moods. I just want to make him feel better, but I don't want to be involved with him. I know what it's like to feel on the outside, although maybe not the same way he does, but like responds to like, they say. Eric has excellent qualities but I can't see myself with him. Some people you meet you just know you'd be happiest having them as friends and nothing more.
I guess I've got no one to blame but myself. I wonder if David suspects. I should tell him, but I don't want to be the cause of the destruction of a friendship.
Crap. I've tried not to be the "girl that got between two friends," but looks like it's come around. Ironic, isn't it. Ironic indeed.
I should stop. I need to get going on this drafting stuff. But... I would appreciate some help. E-mail me at the natakunomiko addy to get my new one, if you want, because that one is just too full. And I don't want to bring the spam over to the new one.
*sigh* What should I do? I'm so confused and ashamed. I'm responsible for this mess. I knew I should've stuck by my promise not to be romantically involved until college.
I don't want to be a drama queen. I don't want to make every little thing appear big and bad. It sucks, really, but sometimes I can't help it. Little things get to me.
But when certain events arise and from these dark shapes appears the hideous form of drama, I cringe. I don't want to hurt people. I don't want to crush a spirit of a fellow human, for a soul can be a fragile thing. Beautiful because it is so weak, you might say.
OK, so this is being melodramatic, but I'm really worked up about this. I suppose it's time to catch up on some things.
Number one. I am no longer single. David and I are unofficially going out. According to Clark, we're not official until I ask him to be my boyfriend or he asks me to be his girlfriend. We've been unofficially together since... August 28, when we went to see Pirates of the Carribean.
I met David through Eric and Matt, some friends from previous years. Matt since grade school, Eric since middle school. They're both dear friends, immature and stupid at times, but actually pretty nice people.
However, since David and I started "going out," Eric has been paying more and more attention to me. I guess I always suspected he liked me, since I was pretty much the only girl at most of our hangouts, like getting coffee, playing video games, or gaming. But I didn't really think much of it, which sounds insensitive but I didn't want to bring attention to it.
Very recently, within the last couple days, Eric has been strongly flattering me and telling me things a serious boyfriend would say to his steady girlfriend. And it IS flattering, but also very uncomfortable. Now Matt says Eric is spreading rumors at Foss (where Eric and David go to school) about David liking other girls, and encouraging said girls to ask him out. Matt says Eric thinks I like him more than David.
I've asked the opinions of a couple people, and they promptly told me to tell Eric just to quit it. But I CANNOT JUST SHUT SOMEONE DOWN LIKE THAT. I may be rude and petty at times, but it is not in my nature to be firmly vindictive or cruel. You might say it's not cruel, but Eric has a slight disability in his legs and cannot walk or do strenuous physical activities like normal people. He thinks he's handicapped, but he isn't, only in his mind really. There ARE things he can't do, but I wish for him to accept his disability, just like I've been trying to accept my fears of failure, which are also handicaps. And to me it would seem to him that I'm rejecting him because of his handicap, and I don't want to give that impression. Hurting anyone's feelings for any reason seems cruel to me, even if in the end it's the best way to go. I guess I'm just too much of a dreamer to think otherwise.
Eric has been depressed lately, and I suppose I've been giving him the wrong impression about my feelings by being extra attentive to his moods. I just want to make him feel better, but I don't want to be involved with him. I know what it's like to feel on the outside, although maybe not the same way he does, but like responds to like, they say. Eric has excellent qualities but I can't see myself with him. Some people you meet you just know you'd be happiest having them as friends and nothing more.
I guess I've got no one to blame but myself. I wonder if David suspects. I should tell him, but I don't want to be the cause of the destruction of a friendship.
Crap. I've tried not to be the "girl that got between two friends," but looks like it's come around. Ironic, isn't it. Ironic indeed.
I should stop. I need to get going on this drafting stuff. But... I would appreciate some help. E-mail me at the natakunomiko addy to get my new one, if you want, because that one is just too full. And I don't want to bring the spam over to the new one.
*sigh* What should I do? I'm so confused and ashamed. I'm responsible for this mess. I knew I should've stuck by my promise not to be romantically involved until college.
