Scratch that; I got two offers today. The Miami one and then one from Knox I didn't see on the table. I hope job offers are like this when I leave college. Even though they won't be. ^^;;

On happier note, I have Dr Pepper. :D

Note: Hydro is no longer... "dead."

Hydro: *can't say anything because Pam has no idea where he is*
Pam: At least he's not dead. =D

(You didn't think I could really kill off my baby, did you? Of course not! ...All right, so he really was dead. But hey, people can come back. No, he's not a zombie.)

On further note, I finally updated my friggin' playlist. >_> Not that it matters, but at least if 150 songs go missing again -_-;; I'll have a fairly accurate list.

Gen-chan, T.O.M. bought me the Gun Smith Cats anime Volumes One to Three (complete). ^_^ Wanna come over and watch it with me when the videos gets here? Great, I knew you would. XD

Mr. Trebilcock let me borrow Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency and Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, and I was trying to read the former while riding the bus. -_- Not a good idea. Now I have nausea in addition to having a caffeine headache. ~_~

XD Yeah, Zeruel, I just got another one, from the University of Miami. I'm going to start a collection. I still haven't made up my mind where I want to go or what I even want to major in. At first, I wanted to major in English, but then I decided I wanted to do something with computers, but also, I might consider taking a lot of math (even though I hate math, I must admit I'm not terribly bad at it). So I just don't know. I'll probably pin these letters on the wall and throw darts at them. That's how I'll decide. Yes.... that's the ticket...

I always have math homework. Dagnabit, if it's not Algebra IV, then it's Geometry II, or maybe even both. x_X Today I have Geometry homework, some of which I can't do because Ms. Ewer always assignings the problems wonkily... such as we'll have to do 3, 4, 6, 7, 17, 19, 26, 27, 30, 34, 43 or something similar. -_-; On today's homework, I can't do #30 without doing #29, but she didn't assign #29. So I don't know whether to skip it and bug her about it tomorrow, or just continue with #30 and do #29 on the sly. Or something. Raar. >.<# I wish I had noticed this sooner. And we never have time to do the work in class. We're always doing Practice problems or something. Granted, it's a nice change from Mr. Blazey's class, but the whole does not need to be involved in a simple proportion problem that we could have done in 6th grade. ¬¬ That just fries my bacon, really.

I have made plans to finish the Link skin by at least Spring Break. ^^;; Lame, considering it was back in December when I started it, but I'm just not very good with playlists. x.x This is what it looks like right now. I'm immensely open to suggestions. In fact, I beg you; suggestions please? I'm really liking the eqmain and main, but uh... it's kinda obvious I'm torn on the playlist. ^^;;

I want to complain badly about how my mom complains that I never do anything around the house. I also want to point out that I load and empty the dishwasher, vacuum, and make dinner almost every night while my brother does absolutely nothing but eat the food and make a mess. >_<

Long post. Mixed feelings. Life is like ice cream. Both of them mean the same thing. What that is, I don't know, but when I think of it, I'll let you know.

winamp: "I Feel Loved [Welcome to the Peacemaker Lounge]" by Depeche Mode

The Last Unicorn fanfics. *blinkblink* I remember watching that movie at Gen-chan's house. It was incredibly boring. Sweet, but boring.

Whole Brain Dominant: Leaning to the left
You enjoy structure and work best when you can devote your attention to one task at a time. You also work well with abstract ideas and can visualize theoretical situations.
test yourself at geekykid.net

You are the White Pawn! You have the capacity for greatness but haven't quite master the art of solipsism, resulting in everyone else taking advantage of you while they can. You believe in love but you often over look it, as you're too busy practicing self-sacrifice. Or you're just dumb.

....Sadly, I agree with the chess piece one. x_X;;

Aw.... Nataku.... awww...... *sniffle*

Woohoo! I got another two letters in the mail yesterday, both of them from colleges. This time from the University of Chicago and the Colorado School of Mines. I wonder why they're bothering me so early, I mean, my PSAT score was only 1140, it's really not that great. >.< I could have done much better. Besides, I have no talent, so why are they pestering me with subscriptions for their schools' newspapers and magazines? @_@ If I wait a couple more days, I'll be able to start a collection of college brochures and letters. Hey, I'll trade my Colorado School of Mines your University of Washington! Oh, all right, I'll even throw in Saint Mary's College of California, if you want to be that way about it. ^_~

We had another one of those stupid school-wide media presentations yesterday as well. It was called "Together We Stand." Naturally about overcoming racial and cultural differences. -_-# My goodness, what a useless bunch of drivel that was. The only good things about it were that we got to get out of third period, and that they had some snippets from Depeche Mode's "Dream On" in there. Unfortunately, they only played two lyrics, and repeatedly at that. -_- Ah well, at least someone in that company's got his/her head on straight. You must undestand, nobody is going to follow the advice in that presentation. Furthermore, Mr. Shearer is spouting hypocrisy when he says Mount Tahoma is great at looking past differences. I've never seen such a blind principal. >_< I hate that school with a vengeance. Still, have to make the best of these high school years, eh?

Also last night, I was writing in my notebook when I heard a commercial for 96.5 The Point (80s station) come on, and the announcer was saying that they would like suggestions on how the station can become the listeners' favorite, so I say aloud to myself, "They could play more Depeche Mode, for starters." And after the commercial ended, "People are People" came on. XD I am all-commanding, oh yeah.

And today... Mr. Trebilcock had a surprise for me. XD He downloaded "Strangelove" onto his computer for me to listen to whilst grading papers. :D It has been a nifty-fun day, you know. Things just seem better; I actually understood the Algebra IV assignment without having been taught it, and I've already finished all my homework. Woohoo!

I have been overcome with the opposite of writer's block; when I'm not writing, I'm thinking about writing. @_@ Curse you, Hydro, this is your doing. C'mon, Laithe, pop into my head and give me a scene to write.... and bring back my beloved marksman. ^_^

I haven't been playing too much Black & White lately, even though I probably should... It's just I've got an influx of creativity, and I intend to use it while the going's good. I'll probably have some Godlike fun this weekend or something....

winamp: "Band Gets High" by Space Age Playboys

Raar. I got three pieces of mail today, all from colleges. Goodness gracious, you take one measly little PSAT and they bombard you with e-mail and mail. >_< Two of them are for religious schools, Saint Mary's College of California and the University of Portland, "Oregon's Catholic School," and the other is Whitman College (not sure if that's religious or not).

I mean, I have nothing against religious schools and I do believe in God, but I'm not interested in going to one. Jeez, think of all those annoying Bible thumpers I'd have to put up with. >_< I'm not ready. I can't even drive. Yes, it is too early to worry about college. Me, thinking it's too early? I don't want to think about it right now. I like being a kid, I like being young without much responsibility. It's depressing to think otherwise.

...*sigh* I'll have to make up my mind one of these days. I bet tomorrow I'll get another three offers, two of them religious. -_-#

winamp: "I'll Bet He Was Cool" by Savage Garden

Divine shiznit, something strange has been happening all day in the skies over Tacoma. >_< I can't figure out what it is. There's this really bright, shiny warm thing up there.... I think someone called it "the sun" but I'm not sure. I wonder where it came from?

On further note, Hydro is still dead. >_> *sigh* I appreciate the sentiments, Zeruely. ^_^

winamp: "19/2000 (Soulchild Remix)" by Gorillaz
-_-# Get the cool shoeshine.

...Alas. Hydro is dead.

Hydro: *can't say anything because he's dead*
Pam: Sigh. x_X

That is all.

winamp: "All Your Base Are Belong To Us" by Invasion of the Gabber Robots
Boom zig indeed. ^_^

'Cos I got rid of the nifty post links....

Monday, September 24, 2001

I had a dream about X/1999. It was in manga form, but "realistic." Fuuma had a mole on the side of his chin. He also looked very demented. No suprise. I kept flipping the pages, seeing more and more realistic Fuuma. Then I came to a page where Fuuma was standing, arms outstretched tipped with claws, over Kamui and Yuuto, who were cuddling together and were wrapped in spider gossamer and blood. They were licking the blood off each other.

Needless to say, I should definitely cut down on caffeine intake.

XD I remember that dream. I haven't had any crazy dreams like that, that I can as clearly remember, but we'll see.... beh heh heh.

*sniffle* I think I'm coming down with something. I have to keep sniffing, and the back of my throat is kinda sore. Ah well, nothing some Dr Pepper can't cure. Er, I hope.

Anyway... I'm at GC's house, staying up late whilst she goes over some previous !!The Stories!! I haven't written in the ninth one, To All Eternity, for a little more than two months. ^^;; I had to practically reread all ninety pages before I could write anything. Ah well, I got seven pages down tonight, so that makes me pretty happy. Or at least pleased. Somewhat. XD I wish I could've finished the Hydro/Ergyn aftermath fight scene, in which my Mental Companion falls from three stories because he crushed Ergyn's wing and does not get hurt. Mortally, anyway.

Hydro: Woohoo!
Pam: But you're not able to move 'cos of suspected spinal damage.
Hydro: D'oh.
Pam: On the brighter side, none of this will matter in about, oh, I'd say forty-fifty pages.
Hydro: Woohoo!
Pam: 'Cos you'll be dead.
Hydro: -_-#
Pam: Belay yer mirth, matey. Laithe will give up his Divinership and free ice cream at Baskin Robbin's to save you.
Hydro: Sweet.
Pam: Yet that means he can now die.
Hydro: ...You just don't quit, do you?
Pam: No, I'm an author. It's not my fault !!The Story!! took on a life of its own.
Hydro: *deep, overdramatic sigh*

Let's see.... Oh! I did manage to reconquer that village, yet I have no idea how I'm going to get to the next one, since my circle of influence isn't growing at a fast rate. -_-; Plus, I keep messing up when I try to follow that one yoga d00d. It's really irking me. If he didn't want me to follow him, he could've waited 'til I went away. Duh. *is obviously peeved* Still, sacrificing minions is pretty neat. *wishes she could toss a couple of children into the sacrifical bowl-like altar* Mmm, the best part of waking up is sacrificed children in your bowl.

My hand is twitching, itching, writhing to change the song. I don't know why. I wish I had some of my own MP3s here. I need to hear "Lola" by the Kinks. XD "Well I'm not the world's most masculine man, but I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man and so is Lola! La la la la la-Lola..." *cackles*

It must be those redskinned Spanish peanuts. As opposed to the palefaced English legumes.

winamp: "True Faith (Extended Remix)" by New Order

You see, the problem with some people is that they can never admit their talent. ^_~ Gen-chan, you have the reliable trait of putting yourself and your work down. I see you have added Hydro to the list of submissions. Let the world know that Hydro's middle name is Kirby! Bwahahahahaha!

Hydro: ¬¬ For a fifteen-year-old girl, you're quite cruel.
Pam: Yes, yes I am. I sacrifice little children.
Hydro: I've been away too long. I probably should have stayed away.
Pam: *evil leer*
Hydro: Yes, I am having regrets... Now.
Pam: XD

I've begun working on a layout. It's not my best layout, it's probably my worst (except perhaps for that layout involving the lemon that was mistaken for a hand grenade), but I like it. Why? Because... because you'll have to wait and see. It's going to be a very simple, green layout. It's very ugly, and I'm having a lot of problems with it, but oh well. Keanu has had too much air time. :P

Other than that, today has been very dull. Restful, but dull. I should probably plot to take over the world again. Yes... that will do nicely.

winamp: "Crucify My Love" by X-Japan

Really? Thanks. *begins thinking of evil ways to kill Annoying Nerd Villager* I tried the lightning bolts on the wolves, but the game just X-ed out my hand. Would a physical shield work?

I spent yesterday with two friends, Jenny Marie and Trevor. Jenny came over around 11:00 AM, and we played Super Smash Brothers: Melee for about three hours, ordered pizza, and generally had a good time. Then Trevor moseyed on over, and we played SSB: Melee for another hour or so, then we stopped and went in my room and talked for another two hours, then went downstairs and listened to my Mp3s for another hour or so. Then Trevor left, and Jenny and I killed some Sims (since my dad was home and I couldn't show her how I sacrifice little children in Black & White, since it's on his computer).

And that was that. Even with friends over, I'm a boring person. ~_~

winamp: "Karma Chameleon" by Boy George
Don't. Say. Anything. XDDDD

A BLUE Dragon Lies Beneath!

I took the Inner Dragon online quiz and found out I am a Blue Dragon on the inside. If there ever was a draconic example of a supple attitude, my Inner Dragon is it. Blues are the Water Elemental dragon - typified by their Steam breath weapon. Pretty creative, huh? It goes right along with my Inner Dragon's tendency to maim, but not destroy. Much like my native oceans and rivers will deform the rock over time, eventually wearing it away to nothing.

Humans shouldn't make the mistake of thinking I'm weak, however. After all I'm a good 30 feet in length and have a penchant for materializing out of any body of water, no matter how small. I also enjoy communicating with aquatic lifeforms, hunting in totally inhospitable terrain (i.e. 3000 feet below the waves), and using my fluid nature to my advantage. My enemies probably won't even see me approach in the first place. My favorable attributes are the sunset, Autumn, water, compassion, intuition, and calmness. Naturally, I pity the fool who'd try and prove that calmness part, he'd probly wind up being scalded. *small grin*

Naturally. ^_____^ (Link from Poe)

And here's a test that Icchan should take... ^_~ (Lifted from Amaru-san)

Which Firearm are you? brought to you byStan Ryker

Hee hee, I'm sweeeeeeet looking.... XD

*beats Lethys with an ugly stick* DIE! And you, unkillable minion... *glares at the Annoying Nerd Villager Who Won't Die No Matter How Many Times I Throw Him and Says Really Annoying Stupid Phrases*

I wish Lethys would stop hurting my Creature cow and siccing wolves on my people. ;_; I'll never win at this rate. Besides... the game won't let me place Civic Buildings, and all my towns are crying for Civic Buildings. Yet whenever I place a three-value Scaffold down, it only turns into two-value home and leaves me with one-value Scaffold in my hand. ;___; Poopiness....

*sigh* I have a God-complex. But that's OK, because I admit it. ^____^

winamp: "Guns in the Sky (Kick Ass Mix)" by INXS
Hand in the sky, gonna throw your ass. XD

I just realized something. O_O NO MORE FUNCTIONS THAT TAKE UP A THIRD OF A PAGE! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*ogles over screenshots of Metroid Prime and Star Fox Adventures in her March issue of GI*

Oh yeah, school's out! ^____^ But my cow isn't growing... *looks mournfully at her creature* And it's not pooping where I want it to. -_-;

...That tears it. The internet is wrong. (Link from Sailoreagle)

Fuuma/Kamui -- Destiny has definitely got something to do with these two. You're most likely into S&M, given the way Fuuma treats his little uke. Unless you want Fuuma to be saved, you're definitely a fan of twisted relationships.
Which X Pairing Are You?

*laughs uncontrollably for five minutes, then wipes tears away* Whew, that's...

...

*starts laughing again*

...The worst day of the year warrants a terrible day at school, I'm sure. -_-; Valentine's Day. I bet the majority of the school doesn't even know what Valentine did. He married people against the law, IIRC. What the law was I misremember, but oh well.

So happy fuckin' Valentine's Day, people. I'm sure things will turn 180 if/when I ever get a boyfriend, but until then, fuck the world. That is all. ^_^

[A recap of yesterday afternoon's conversation with my dad]

Dad: So, how was school today?
Pam: Can't talk, sacrificing villagers.
Dad: ...What is that?
Pam: Can't talk, teaching Creature to eat enemies.
Dad: Oh, so your game came? That was really soon.
Pam: Go away, burning down unbelievers' villages.

XD Can't blog, must annihilate Nemesis.

winamp: "Luscious Apparatus" by Recoil
Alan Wilder suddenly got really twisted after he left DM, you know? No wonder he wanted to leave to pursue different musical interests. ~_~;;

...*is speechless*

*then*

XDDDDD Lionhead Studios so ripped that from Titantic. Maybe I should've just had Entente eat them instead. >:D

Die, you blasphemer. ...So I'm evil for allowing my Creature to eat nonbelievers. They're getting their just desserts for not realizing my mightiness. :P

winamp: "Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom" by the Venga Boys
Yes.... XD

I should've done my essay over the weekend. Ah well, school didn't kill me today, plus Chris talked to me about possibly making a Creative Writing club at Mount Tahoma, which isn't a bad idea at all. I definitely like it, that's for sure. ^__^

cd player: "Goodbye Roseland" by Styx

My right hand is always cold. x_x Why is that?

winamp: "Smoke on the Water" by Deep Purple

Eh, I'm a sophomore. It's on the list of possible books we're going to read, but Mrs. Merrill wants to do MacBeth as well, so we'll have to see how it goes. I'm pretty sure I can buy Animal Farm cheap somewhere and then pester my history teacher about all the historical references and such. ^_^ We'll see.

Ah... the flying field has changed so much. It's where my dad goes to fly his R/C planes... Too bad the beavers got to the small pond and flooded parts of the field. I got to go exploring over there. *_* Them beavers sure work hard. A Zagi, though, is really strange to watch fly. Basically, a Zagi is a flying wing, and all the guys at the Pfieffer Field are competing to build the lightest one, then in mid-air, collide. XD Sorta like mock fights, only... not mock. XD The Focke Wulf we saw out there.... XDDDDDDD But Zagi has its own brand of coffee candy! XD XD XD XD Mmm.... I hate coffee, but coffee candy sure tastes good. :D~

Argh. FanFiction.Net's been really poopy for me, and I can't upload anything. >_< I get the feeling it's only me, too. My fans will be disappointed, but of course, I can't even view my own damn story anymore. >.< Why is it being so poopy?

winamp: "Just Can't Get Enough [Live]" by Erasure
*dances wildly* Whoo! XD

Blargh. My aunt in Korea sent us a lot of food, mostly Korean sweets, but some dried squid. It would be lovely if not all the sweets had something to do with rice, and if the dried squid hadn't... gone bad. x_X;; Still, it's the thought that counts. Now that I think of it, I simply can't stand to eat octopus anymore. Any kind of octopus. I'll eat dried squid (and love it, too), but not any form of octopus. Because.... it's rubbery. I used to love that stuff, but now... it makes my stomach turn. >_> I don't know why.

Zeruel, it's not certain whether or not we'll be reading Animal Farm, because Mrs. Merrill said she isn't big on the history behind it, but if we can get Mr. Trebilock (our history teacher) to collaborate with her on the reading of it, then we'll definitely do it. So I'll pester Mr. Trebilock fifth and sixth periods. XD

...That is a very strange coincidence, Ria-san, because in Algebra IV, we're learning about recursive functions. x_X; They're very long and boring, but relatively easy... IMNSHO... ^^;;

Tsua-san, don't worry about it. ^^ It's not a big deal. One of my friends from school totally bombed it, and she sees me every day for more than half of the day's periods. *laughs* Looks like Amber wanted to make sure she passed with flying colours the next... million times around. ^^;;

Hmm... Here are the answers, anyway.

1. According to me, the *true* nectar of the gods is...?
Dr Pepper. Without a doubt.

2. Of all my school subjects, my favorite one is...?
English Composition, though World Cultures is a very close second.

3. When it comes down to my favorite anime/manga/game character, who is left standing?
Link, from the Legend of Zelda.

4. If I could be one living organism, I would be a...?
Dolphin. :D They're ever so much better than people.

5. I love all kinds of music, but out of these five groups/singers, which do I prefer most? Erasure, Green Day, Styx, Verve Pipe, Weird Al Yankovic
Styx. I guess this was kind of a trick question. Erasure is second, though. I bet this would have been easier if Depeche Mode had been on the list, eh? XD

6. I've got a lov-uh-ly bunch of coconuts, fiddle-dee-dee...
Here they are a-standin\' in a row... (bum bum bum!) XD That song is annoying but so much fun.

7. "People are stupid." What would I reply with?
"Indubitably."

8. I have a mental companion. What is his name?
HYDROOOOOOO! XD *huggles Hydro*
Hydro: ¬¬ I'm currently in suspended animation because you feel it's not in your perogative to write in !!The Story!!
Pam: I love you too. ^_^

9. I think that humanity's greatest accomplishment, whether or not we've reached it, would be...
Happiness. We can successfully implant spinach genes in pigs, but people are still miserable.

10. What do I feel I lack most? (This might be tough.)
Talent. I know a few friends of mine put social skills.... ^^;;;;;

Maybe that was a bit too hard. >_> Not even some of my close friends knew the right answers. But 'twas for a lark, aye! As Lance would say. XD *huggles Lance plushie*

winamp: "Not Dead Yet" by Styx
XD Were you born too late to be a Rolling Stone?

^_______________________^ My dad just ordered me Black & White. I am the luckiest daughter in the world. Did I tell you I love my daddy? Well, if I did, here it is again.

Argh. They bumped back the release date for Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem. ;_; But Trevor says I should get Black & White; he says I'd really enjoy playing it. If it's anything like what I've seen on Ragabash's blog, then I'd probably never leave the computer. XD I almost have enough to buy it, but I need to save a few more bucks for S&H and all that unloveliness.

...On further note, my dad is running around the house with Tina saying, in a high-pitched Mickey Mouse voice, "Where's the beef?!" XD I love my daddy.

winamp: "Scars" by X-Japan
I went on an X-Japan spree a few weeks back, and I've never been the same since. ^_^

*big hug* I think this is the right remedy for such a case.

Today was a Good Day™. I always seem to have fun in my Algebra IV class, even though I hate Algebra IV. *hinthint* Gen-chan, Krystal, Clarence, and I always have such fun. XD We pick on Mr. Blazey, behind his back or right in front of him (cruel, yes, but he is mostly incompetent), and today Krystal was just mentioning all these crazy songs from Teletubbies and Hanson, and everybody (but Gen-chan, 'cos she thought we were crazy in the head) was singing Beatles' songs and stuff. Hey Jude... don't make it bad.... Take a sad SOOOONG.... and make it better... XD

Thank you both for your concerns, it really means a lot, and I'm feeling much better today.

Yes! Of Mice and Men is the BEST book I have EVER read that was required for school. I cried at the end, I admit it, because John Steinbeck's storytelling moved me so much. To Kill a Mockingbird is another great book, but lately, we've been reading trash in English. Like Dandelion Wine and The House on Mango Street. God, kill me if I have to read The House on Mango Street ever again. x_x

I think they should make the Ender series, or at least Ender's Game, required reading in high school. That book, no matter how many times I read it, always makes me cry at the end. Pathetic, perhaps, but that is truly a compliment to the author, because every time I read it, I become Ender again, and experience his hopelessness and his fears, his challenges, his victories.... *sigh* I love Ender's Game and Ender's Shadow. Damn you, Orson Scott Card, for making me love your characters so much. And if Stephen King doesn't finish the Dark Tower series, I will personally fly to Maine and stalk him until he does. On my oath as a DP fan, I will.

In the DDR song, "Boom Boom Dollar," is he saying, "Shakin' like a boulder"? XD Gen-chan and I were having a hard time remembering and saying the lyrics in 4th period. I might as well look it up sometime today.

I have only one assignment, but it's kind of a "take-home test" for World Cultures. Basically, I'm writing an essay on the impact of Europeans through slavery on Africa and the Americas from the late 1500's to the 1800's. Hmm. Seems easy enough. 5 paragraphs won't kill me.

By the way, Gen-chan (and all classical music lovers), I seriously recommend downloading Vanessa Mae's "Tocatta and Fugue in Dm (Electric Violin Remix)" at Audiogalaxy. God, this song...! XD

winamp: "Tocatta and Fugue in Dm (Electric Violin Remix)" by Vanessa Mae

Pam jumped on the bandwagon. Most of the questions are easy, though, so I should 'spect a lot of people get around 80-100. Eh.

As for the post below... take it lightly and seriously at the same time, but not harshly. I finished Of Mice and Men a couple days ago, and it really got to me.

winamp: "Interstellar Pizza Girl" by Pyjama Charm

Jenny and I ate in the cafeteria, and we discussed what originality was. She believes that there are creators, and people who echo what has been created. It seems that she expresses the same fears and concerns about being unoriginal, untalented, and dying without leaving some semi-useful piece behind for others to understand and reflect upon. However, she claims that she does not have a driving passion for the world, and that I am passionate about people's well being, about their happiness. I was going to argue, but she said that my concern about the ten-year-olds being pregnant and 6th graders that drink show that I am truly a humanitarian and altruistic in some ways, because of my belief of "going along to get along."

I've always wondered why people must always have their own way. Why they must always argue or fight because something isn't exactly the way they want it. True, I've done my fair share of sulking about not getting my way, but lately, I've been adhering to the "go along to get along" attitude, because it just saves stress and energy from bickering. Honestly, I don't understand why people wouldn't want less stress and more energy. If you want to be a miserable, anal retentive control freak, then by all means go ahead.

But... to be serious, I've always enjoyed making other people happy. It sound sappy and idealistic, but it's true. When someone else's eyes light up because you've said something they liked or you gave them just the right gift... There's no truer, better feeling in the world. None.

Because humans don't have any reason to live. However superior we think we are, we are no better than the lowliest amoeba. Be that as it may, that doesn't mean we can't help each other be happy. Revenge is sweet, but it can go sour and stale just like any other confection (except, perhaps, for Twinkies). Happiness is subjective, and a changing variable among different people. But if we tried... it's almost too depressing to think about, because I know we never will. Some day, in my lifetime, I would like to see the classrooms of any school be like the classrooms they show in those intensely superficial "cooperative learning" videos.

People don't seem to understand that there is no purpose to life. There's no great question to ask, no great task to fulfill... We are animals; we exist to live and live to exist, because that's all there is. Happiness.... that would be humanity's greatest accomplishment, not technology or the "ability to think".

If only today were a good day, and I didn't feel so... so plain. There's nothing notable about me. Nothing. Nobody seems to understand that. "Oh, but you get good grades!" Any halfwit can get good grades, all you do is the homework and pass the tests. It is not that hard if you apply yourself even minutely. "Oh, but you've got a 4.0 almost two years running!" Pfft. Like I'm the only one. I'm sure other people at the school have such. I hate being miserable. I don't stand out from my friends. My best talent is being untalented.

This is being stereotypist, but I don't give a rat's left foot. Bobby's been bothering me and bothering me, trying to "teach" me how to draw "anime-style," but I promptly refuse. Because I know I can't. "Now, where's the justification in that? You won't know 'til you've tried!" I have tried, and failed miserably. I simply suck at everything, from perception to proportion to any other technique in art you can think of. I see it so wonderfully in my mind, but something gets lost on the way down to the hands.

I am neither witty nor funny. I do not have mad skillz in Photoshop or PaintShopPro or any such image editing program. I cannot fix computers. I cannot play the flute nor the piano well. I give up too easily. Motivation is something I could do with. I am too self-conscious to allow close friends to read my independent works, I am too empathetic to enjoy a good picking-on. I take everything to heart. It's far too easy to get my waterworks going. But, most importantly, I am a terrible friend. I do not think of others often, and surprise them with gifts or words. I am not social or cool enough to be allowed out of the house. My idea of fun is a good book or a good writing session. I feel cruel to those I am close to.

I have something I must think very seriously about now. My future happiness depends on it.

If only the last part was true... *sigh*

I am back, perhaps not for good, and certainly none the worse, but here I am, and I shall be. I have been sucked into the void that is Pokémon Crystal once again, which has helped me stay off the computer. Plus, I have a nice supply of Dr Pepper and edible food, so I am fairly content.

School is OK, too much homework. I hate my brother. Life as usual.

I wish I could say something deeply profound, but all I can say is, "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, fiddle-dee-dee..."

...*sigh*

i really shouln't be on, but i have to ask, what drives 10 yr olds to get pregnant and 6th graders to drink beer on the corner of the same street their school is on? ok, can't stress the right hand now bye again