Har. After spending a good hour and a half writing out hiragana characters, it's so simple to see why the Japanese are such great artists. They have to be, in order to write. @_@ So far my favorite hiragana characters are 'ni' and 'ne'. XD They're so much fun to make. It reminds me of using the TI-83 graphing calculators to do sine functions, and the Superfriends Gen-chan, Chris, Neil, and myself would have the little ball trace out the functions, and since it looked so much like a roller coaster we would utter "Whee! Whee!" as our eyes followed the exploits of the graphs. I found myself muttering "Whee!" under my breath as I wrote out some of these characters. Well, it made the time pass more quickly. :P

I still have about a page to do. But I've already finished my English homework, so that leaves lettering for Drafting (ugh, I hate lettering) and studying for that APUSH quiz. @_@

winamp: Duel by Bond

Gillian-san, your banner says "Girl Afraid Kamizake" ...Just thought I'd let you know if you didn't already. ^^;;

Ho ho ho... Neil, you are such a geek. XD Congrats on getting a blog; glad I could be of help.

Oh blessed video game... thou shalt be mine by Tuesday... Too bad it ain't cheaper. -_- At least Dark Cloud 2 will be $39.99 (a result of the competition between Sony and Microsoft, dropping the prices of their games)...

I am... feeling somewhat better. Last night I was at Briana's house for a rowdy round of Trivial Pursuit. @_@ Let's just say she was not exaggerating when she said the game would go on for hours. It did. I didn't get home 'till 11 PM. ^^;; But it was a lot of fun (even if I'm so stupid and didn't even know a third of the questions asked; most of them pertain to twenty years before I was born, anyway).

I really should get to my homework. I have to write out all the hiragana characters 22 times each. @___@ That's a lot of writing, mind you. Not only that, I have to do the stupid dialectic notebook for The Scarlet Letter, and study for the APUSH Chapter 4 quiz tomorrow.

I must also not forget to pay for the PSATs and that I'll be attending some college sessions in the career center. I'm really, very scared about the future. Very scared. In happier light, though, my family does probably qualify for the Gates Grant. Yay!

There's too many video games coming out that I want to get. -_- I'd better make some serious choices. Let's see... Metroid Prime and Zelda my brother said he'd buy, so those will go on the back burner (he also plans to get his own 'Cube, so when/if he does move out, he'll be taking them with him, but I can wait). Animal Crossing and Dark Cloud 2 are high on my list, but Dark Cloud 2 won't be out 'til February so that's OK. I still want to get Hot Date and Unleashed, but I can live happily enough without.

Boy, I really need a job. I stay after school 'til 3 or 3:30 for three days out of the week, and weekends are usually dedicated to homework and unwinding from having to deal with a certain annoying hypocrite, so... ~_~

And I still haven't figured out what to do with the mystic spray painting. @_@

winamp: Cold Love by TWOMARLOWE

*sputters invective* Just lost a huge rant on mine own cowardice and loserism, but I suppose that doesn't matter. Nobody needs to know the details about it anyway, and now I'm fuming because I wasted all the emotional bile when it could have been put to other uses.

I'm sick of popular opinion and society. I'm tired of people and their views on beauty. All I want to do now is crawl into the nearest dark hole and disappear from civilization forever. What kind of minds are we that we develop a culture based on beauty and make people loathe themselves for not living up to impossible standards? Why have I bought into this endless cycle of self-hatred and depression? Why has everyone else?

I'm sure this qualifies as teen angst, but... everything's so generalized and clichéd now that I'm not even sure what half of these popular nonsense phrases mean.

AND WHO FRIGGING CARES IF MONKEYS FLING SHIT AT EACH OTHER?! I'm so SICK of these shirts with "I fling poo" and "Your boyfriend thinks I'm hot" and other such angerfying crap. Every day at school is a unique sample of the different circles of hell.

...I think I'd better stop now, before I begin to rant about something (or rather... someone) who is one of the deepest wells of all the ire in my life. I know the only person in control of my emotions is myself, but this person makes me want to bodily throw myself into a school of man-eating pirhanas. Somehow I get the feeling I would rather enjoy that than spend the rest of the school year sharing three periods with this person.

Too late. I've already ranted. But not to the extent I wanted to. I just want to clutch my head and make incoherent noises of rage and sorrow.

Gen-chan again. CCnet is finally back up! No updates as of yet, I still have homework to do!

...Sorry. Been rather preoccupied this past week and all. What with Gen-chan staying the night for several nights whilst her parents went camping, among heaps of meetings for clubs and a leaning tower of homework (I'm... still not finished...).

But yesterday I shrugged it all off and went to the Puyallup Fair with Chris and Steven (nobody else showed up). I spent $1.75 on a regular Dr Pepper (highway robbery, yes, but I had no small bills for the vending machine) and $28 on a gorgeous spraypainting. Which left me with precisely 25 cents left. We didn't go on any rides, but we watched performances (Billy's Brass Band and the Sea Gals) and looked at exhibits (A Tribute to American Leaders).

The spraypainting was definitely worth it. It has been done entirely with spraypaints (although not all spraypainted, if you understand what I mean), and depicts a foreign ocean with an antiquated ship sailing on it. On some mountains in the distance sits several fortresses, and in the sky above you can see a Saturn-esque planet spinning in slow harmony.... It's so beautiful. It reminds me of a line I read in Philip Pullman's His Dark Material series. I can't remember exactly how it goes, but it is something like this: Was there only one world which spent its time dreaming of others? Just looking at this painting makes me want to weep. I don't understand why.

It occured to me, that if I had saved the money, I would've been able to purchase a new video game, but I firmly crushed the idea. I felt I could not live without this painting. So I bought it. It's sitting in my room, because I don't want to tack it to the wall and ruin it with holes (my wall is already a lost cause) and tape wouldn't hold it up very long. It needs to be flattened because it had been rolled up for convenience while carrying it around the fairgrounds. I don't care that I don't have a video game. It seems a little silly to say this, but my heart swells when I look at this painting. I just... I can't explain it. It's really that beautiful.

Still, I wouldn't be so disgruntled now if Comedy Central hadn't blatantly reminded me last night that yes, Kingdom Hearts is out now, and you should go out and buy it, you LOSER. >_> Shoooooot.... I can wait. I'm still saving up. I've got around $30 for what I've dubbed my Video Game fund. It'll be about three weeks until I can get it, and then after that it's time to save for Christmas gifts. I have too many people on my list this year.

Guilt consumes me. I read Michael Crichton's Sphere (accursed author that he is, but Neil made the book sound interesting), and believe it or not, I actually enjoyed the book. Michael Crichton, whose name is perilously close to being on the list of Those Whom The Superfriends Shall Not Mention... *shakes head* Oh well. It's not like I plan to read any more books by him. Which reminds me: I need to get Orson Scott Card's Shadow Puppets. Is it in paperback yet? I'd better check.

All my Tamagotchi Angel does is eat and... eat. -_- It's only pooped twice in the three days it's been alive. (Yes, I found one of my six "digital pets" that I'd owned five years ago and resurrected it recently).

What else to complain/rant/bemoan about... Oh yes. Some time in the future I will join an art class, make a sculpture of Lethys' symbol, then relish the crunch as I stomp it into a thousand little pieces.

winamp: Crucify My Love by X-Japan

Crap, I've got it bad right now. Extremely bad. Bad with a capital X. My arms are trembling, my uterus is shredding itself to bloody strips, my throat is dry, I feel like throwing up but I can't, I'm unnaturally hot then cold...

I can't even think of the last time I was seriously this ill. Curse the moment I was conceived female.

Wow. Um... I don't really feel like blogging. It's... been a really long day. Really. Most of today's incidents involves my "enemies" and their unfathomable stupidity. Also involves low self-esteem and lack of self-appreciation, but... those have been problems for the past eight years of my life. Nothing new.

The afternoon bus driver is bringing her radio. This means I will be desperately searching for any means possibly to acquire a CD player and headphones, even if it means resorting back to duct tape to make my old one work. Why? The two stations we will be subjected to are KUBE and KISS, both respectively playing up-to-date pop and rap music. Needless to say, if I must endure the rest of the school year being forced to listen to thus, I will ultimately die or go insane, preferably die.

I can honestly not say that the music I listen is, in any way, better than the music "they" listen to. If I did, I'm sure many of you would back me up, but I can't say that, because the reasons I would give are stupid and worse, hypocritical in some cases. However, I would not like to be subjected to the lamenting wails of some pop group that's currently "hip" about how they lost their boyfriends or girlfriends, or how badly they want to get it on or even how they want to get it on. Personally, that's not to my taste.

On this subject, I know I am right when I say perhaps 90% (and possibly more) of the songs put out by the most popular pop and rap groups are in some way related to sex, money, or nice cars. And that's fine; appeal to your audience. If people like listening to that, hey, not my problem. Be that as it may, I'm not a part of that audience. I prefer songs with at least a modicum of depth and feeling to them.

Granted, not all the music I listen to is meaningful and awe-inspiring (unless having a detachable penis is such), and everyone has their little exceptions. However, being as I am the only one who would actually speak out against this music, things are not going to be going in my favor, and unless I find some method of interrupting radio waves or acquiring a working CD player, I will have to listen to the stations of their choosing.

Every day I have to deal with the growing pressures of being forced to be like everyone else. However, my theory is that there are no such things as non-comformists simply because if you try to non-conform, then you're conforming with everyone else who's trying to non-conform. It's fine for people to stick safety pins in their clothing and flesh and call it their style, but to say you're a nonconformist by doing this when it's obvious that a lot of other young adults also do this is just silly.

I don't mind being placed into one of the general "groups" that make up a high school. I don't need to go and show the whole world what a unique individual I am, simply because I don't care if other people think that I'm like everyone else. Just because someone else believes something about you doesn't make it true. For example, I could believe fervently that my brother worships dented forks, but just because I believe this and tell it to everyone else doesn't make it true, whether or not I meant to hurt his reputation/feelings. I will admit, it makes me a little angry when people stoop to the level of talking about me behind my back, especially that incident in freshman year, but I need only remind myself that people will say those things in order to 1) feel better about themselves and 2) make me feel worse about myself. Personally, I would rather be called a brainiac than an idiot.

To finish this off (because I'm getting tired of thinking about something that will never change and because my left arm is beginning to protest), I just want to say I do respect other people's preferences and likings, although some of these passages may come off as sarcastic and hypocritical. I'm just tired that nothing will ever change, and people will continue to harbor biases that have no basis or ground for their very existence.

If only people could understand "go along to get along." This is a wonderful way of thinking in some cases (to preserve harmony), but in some cases, I say fight for what you believe in. I would use this method to end an argument, but certainly not if someone said I had to change my religion or else they'd fail/fire me (which is illegal, anyway, but you get the idea).

Learned how to count past ten in Japanese. In Chemistry, I got up to 57 before the teacher began talking and I lost my train of thought. I'm beginning to get that mental "click". Hopefully it'll stick.

winamp: Metal Gear May Cry (Remastered) by Jared Hudson

Can't decide whether I should save up my money for a video game (either Animal Crossing or Kingdom Hearts), or buy the next Billy Chaka book, Hokkaido Popsicle. I've got the first one (Tokyo Suckerpunch) and it's pretty good. Very confusing and hard to really understand what the book is about in the first place, but it's extremely hilarious. Heh. I loved the part with the apologetic gate guard... you have to read it, really. If you're looking for a life-changing book or something, this isn't it. Consider it a way to kill a few hours and have a few laughs, but don't expect something of epic proportions. To be honest, it wasn't the praise that attracted my eye, but the brightly coloured cover (I mean, hot pink for Tokyo Suckerpunch and neon green for Hokkaido Popsicle?). Well, that's one way of getting someone to notice it. ^^;;

People are having trouble finding term #8 (Columbian Exchange) in The American Pageant. It's not going to "jump out" at you like some of the other terms; you have to read and infer. So far I've had three people ask me about it. >_> I can foresee many phone calls and e-mails in the near future.

...I really, really, really need a good book. Or a video game, for that matter. I've been playing The Sims to take my mind off my videogamelessness, but it's not working.

I forgot to mention. I sold Devil May Cry and Final Fantasy X in order to pay for part of Super Mario Sunshine and part of my resubscription to GameInformer. I never touched the former and I didn't bother to finish the latter. FFX bothered me in so many ways. >.<# I still haven't beaten Sorcerous Stabber Orphen (I'm stuck in this falling-down-a-hole-jumping-on-rocks-while-fighting-a-kind-of-electric-dragon/serpent-thing boss).

winamp: Manic Monday by the Bangles

Ever had one of those days that made you feel like you'd been awake for an eternity? ~_~ Ugh... and I didn't even do much. That's probably why; a combination of being awake too early in the morning and not having anything to do.

I did just finish watching perhaps one of the trippiest movies of all time (no, not Alice in Wonderland). It was Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland. I don't remember where, when, or how we got this movie, but it had been a long time since I'd seen it, so I popped it in for lack of something else to do. It's still a great movie, but very trippy. @_@

winamp: Sunglasses at Night by Corey Hart
Finally, the song that so long eluded me on 96.5 The Point! XD

BTW, GC, my PS2 memory card and my GameCube are at your house. ;_; That means NO VIDEO GAMES FOR ME ALL THIS WEEKEND. *sobs* Anyway, I figured that about the picture problem (which doesn't worry me because this is a pretty crappy layout, anyway, even if Sephiroth is delicious).

I'm so bored, I'm actually thinking about working ahead in APUSH terms. That's really, really sad.

winamp: Aeris' Theme from Final Fantasy VII
Personally the best FF there ever was and shall be, world without end, amen.

This is GC here, just to tell NnM that "crispycrunchy.net" is currently being transferred and stuff, so the images are all... not working, and nor is the domain. It should only last about a week at most. I was a little late on re-registering... ^^* It should have been done a month ago...

Anyway, I need to finish AP History homework.

Hajime mashite? XD Er, learned more Japanese. We're still watching Gung-Ho, though. I can't believe how funny that movie is.

I spent the night at Gen-chan's house last night to get a ride to school early (for National Honors Society) because she has drill team practice early, and I woke up around 4:41 AM to her alarm, but she pressed snooze about five times, so I didn't actually get out of bed until 5:27 AM. It would've been fine if I had stayed awake when the alarm first went off, but no, I fell back asleep. And now feel extremely tired.

Worst of all, the meeting was cancelled. -_- And we didn't know about it.

Noah, Noah, Noah... You got it all wrong. It's not CrispyCrunch.Net, it's CrispyCrunchy.net, and though Gen-chan has considerable skills, we're certainly not web designers. (And damn, you're that tall already?! Where does all the time go?)

Murf. I have still have homework, and I just don't feel like doing it at the moment... although I should, to save myself time. I can't finish looking for the last ten Shine Sprites because I had brought my GameCube to Gen-chan's house yesterday and left it there (there is NO way I'm carrying around a large plastic bag with clothes and my GameCube in it; maybe in my backpack with me all the time, but not in something that can easily get stolen or lost). I'll just have to pick it up later.

A long strip of muscle in my left arm is continually sore. It feels good/bad to rub the area, but I guess that means LAY OFF THE TYPING, STUPID PAM. ^^;;

I discovered a new habit. Whenever I'm walking around feeling generally depressed, if I'm wearing one of my "shirt-dresses" (i.e. the X/1999, Sanosuke, or Cool-Guy-In-Sandals-With-A-Sword shirt, and all are long enough to pass for pretty decent "dresses" on me when buttoned up) I tend to fiddle with the middle button, doing and undoing it. If lacking that, I'll grasp the index and middle finger of my right hand in my left hand and hold it in front of me as though I were clasping my hands, but not quite doing so. I just can't stand having my hands hang free. It's probably some kind of nervousness thing or something, but... I never really paid much attention to it until today.

Also, my strong aversion to calling people other than Gen-chan or... my own house, does seem to be getting a little better. I still don't like calling people. One, because I mostly dislike using phones, and two because I hate calling someone and having their mom, dad, brother, sister, or whatever answer the phone. I have this fear that they'll berate me with questions. I don't know why. ~_~

Raar. I want to type because I have to continue updating my Zelda fanfic (which got updated Wednesday, and before then hadn't really been updated since March) and I want to finish transcribing what I wrote for The Silver Talons. Heck, I shouldn't even be typing this. Beh. Ow, ow.

winamp: Something to Do (Dead Line Mix) by Depeche Mode

...Oh gods of Dr Pepper, spare us. Noah has opened his own blog. (He's a friend from elementary and middle school that goes to a different high school now.)

Back to school. I have... one English paper due tomorrow. In APUSH (Advanced Placement United States History), Chapter One terms due on Monday, and there will also be a quiz on the chapter. In Pre-Calculus we're building ferris wheels.

...Yay.

Beat Super Mario Sunshine. I was a little disappointed about the final boss. It took me longer to fight King Boo (who was really easy) than it did to fight the final boss (sorry, no spoilers). Technically, I haven't completely beaten it (don't have all 100 Shine Sprites), but since I'm anticipating a lot of homework in the very near future (say, tomorrow, Friday, and this weekend), I doubt I'll be able to get around to it this week.

Right now, I'm relaxing, after having bought school supplies, finished my English paper, and made dinner for me and my dad. It certainly has been a hectic day. I did get a little headstart on those history terms, but then... eh. I feel tired right now, even though I've just consumed a can of Dr Pepper. Er, not the whole can. Just the liquid part.

I am pretty excited about Japanese 1. Ms. Minor (or Minor sensei, as we may call her) has a strong Japanese accent (go figure) and it's a little tough to understand her at times, but after all, I'll be speaking Japanese as... accentedly (?) as she speaks English. I can't think of the right word to describe it. Besides, I think her accent is kind of endearing, in a way. We'll see if I still feel that way at the end of the semester.

Mrs. Ross, the Chemistry teacher, is very cool, in my opinion. Mr. Bahr (Drafting 1) seems pretty nifty as well. Mr. Dodge (APUSH) and Mrs. Iverson (AP English) are still the same (demanding but at the same time "fun"), and Mr. Wallace (Pre-Calculus) is certainly different from Mr. Blazey. o_O Anyone different from Mr. Blazey is probably a good thing (unless s/he is more boring and incompetent), but we'll see if I like Mr. Wallace. I'm not sure I want to be learning out the Integrated Math Program book, mostly since it's hands-on activities. When it comes to math, I like more bookwork than projects (but I suppose projects are fine if it teaches me Pre-Calculus).

So much to do this year. And I kinda learned how to say "A dog eats a hotdog" in Japanese. Pretty useful, eh?

winamp: Heart ni Kiraboshi Sakashitare by Tasuki (Hayashi Nobutoshi)
The same voice actor who does Gabriel (Noelle's vampire brother) in "I'm Gonna Be An Angel!"

Crap. I start thinking about school (which begins on Wednesday *shudder*), and how this year is going to be the hardest year for me yet. I get extremely nervous and have to walk around the house to calm myself down, but the feeling of helplessness never quite goes aways. Because the world is a cold place and my dreams may keep me warm now, but everything grows cold eventually. What if I can't make it to where I want to be? I know I will work hard for the things I want (everything else is just half-assed), but it might not be enough. I could fail at what I want to do. Granted, it's not a good idea to think negative about these things, but when it comes to the future I always expect the worst.

But I do know that when I go to college, I'm going to have several meaningful vacations to various places to visit blog friends. (Don't forget your promise to take me to a shooting range, Icchan; I'm holding you to it.) By then I should have a car (or hopefully a motorcycle, there were some sweet ones at the Honda dealer the other day, and they weren't too big for me to handle, either) and will be able to drive without running into ditches or veering off the side of the road and into the grass. Dad says I did well for my first day (my turning and handling got better after the first ten minutes, when I wasn't saying "Oh geez, oh geez" every two seconds), but I don't think I did. x_X Heh. I wish I could've seen the looks on the faces of the other drivers at the four-way intersection as I nearly dumped us into the ditch. That would've been a Kodak moment. ^_^

I have about 52 Shines in Super Mario Sunshine, but I'm stuck on Episode 8 of Ricco Harbor and Pinna Park, and also on Episode 3 of Pianta Village. -_- Lousy Shadow Mario stealing my FLUDD device. I still have the synthesized do's stuck in my head, but I am getting better at the Bonus Worlds. On the last one at Pinna Park, I only died once instead of fifty million times. ^_^

When I ramble it's easy to forget my troubles. But I wonder if I'll be able to pull off another 4.0 and stay strong for the title of valedictorian. I want that title. Mind you, I won't kill or cheat to get it, but a part of me says that life will somehow be better by getting it. I shouldn't be tricked by such a belief, but it's easy to think that I won't have to pay for a cent of college if they see how incredibly intelligent and talented I am. ...Hahahahahaha. XD I'm gonna shut down the competition like old nuclear power plants. *nudges GC and sniggers* Er, the "old nuclear power plant" thing is an inside joke.

Suprisingly, I have not abandoned The Silver Talons yet. When I first began the story, I expected to forget about it in... oh... two weeks. I'm great at starting projects and really getting into them at first, but after a few days my ideas began to lose their novelty and I toss them aside. Contrary to this, I am still writing a lot in it (although not the 17.8 pages a day that I used to) and I also have plans for a prequel... I guess all I needed was the right subject matter. Asereth, I've been searching for you as the main character for the longest time. Even if you're one of the least fleshed characters in the story. ^^;; Oops.

The Super Friends and I (er... that's what my dad started calling my friends, so that's what I call them now) are seriously considering a "senior trip" the summer after we graduate. We couldn't decide on where to go, until Amber said we should go camping (which would bring us together before we'd all have to leave each other), and then I suggested Yellowstone. I talked to my dad about it, and he says if his new job goes well and he can get a trailer... the possibility will become very likely. ^_^ At first I had thought it would just be the Super Friends, but after a little more thought (and the reminder of bears foraging the campgrounds at night), it would be good if some of their parents could come along as well. That way my dad (and mom, if she decides to come) won't be bored witless and the adults won't have to worry about us poor chillen being alone and unsupervised in the wilderness.

Wow. Long post. I should quit while I'm ahead. You know... if winners never quit, and quitters never win, who came up with "quit while you're ahead"?

winamp: It's a BOMB !!! by SKR Team

My first left turn and I nearly ran the truck into a ditch. Ah, driving is so much fun. ^_^